Asking Us to Dance
There's a full
moon up and rising
And there's
whisper of a breeze........
It was a beautiful
night, the sky was clear, a full moon shining down its welcome inspiring light.
She watched with almost clinical detachment as the leaves on the trees rustled
all around her, their shifting shadows dancing on the wide expanse of green
that stretched along the banks of the large mountain lake. Almost against her will, as moments turned
to minutes, Marlena began to lose herself in the comforting sensation of the
late summer breeze on her skin, feeling so like the tender caressing touch of
loving hands upon her body....
Or was that just
wishful thinking....
A sudden shiver ran
up and down the length of her spine as she thought of him. She wrapped her arms
around her own body to ward off the chill created by his absence, rubbing her
bare arms with her hands to warm them.
Blowing through
the tangled silver
Hanging from the
cypress trees.......
Was she imagining
what it would be like if he came to her again? Would she begin the journey
toward healing with him, or was the pain still too much to bear? Could she ever
look him in the eye again; those sweet baby blues that had lied so many times.
'Oh, John......'
There's a river
made of moonlight
Flowing clear
across the lake........
Gazing out over the
calm waters, admiring the glistening of the light atop the gentle waves, her
mind took her back to a time when they were standing in a place so like this
one, on a warm summer evening just like this warm August night.... It was
during the period when they were fighting the love that now lay in ruins, a
love they thought would last until the end of time and beyond.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That fateful night
at the hot springs....
She was explaining
how she willed him to come to her in the middle of the night.
"I know your
body so well. I know what your body's like after you make love. I know you're
so hot. I knew you would come to the window for some air, you always did...and
I hoped you would see me and I hoped you would come down and find me. I willed
it. I'm so ashamed, I'm so sorry..." she said, sobbing.
John put a hand to
her throat and gently caressed her, willing her not to feel so guilty,
"Don't do this to yourself... "
She remembered it
so clearly, as she stared out over the water. The memories were so vivid,
forever etched inside her mind.
She hadn't been
able to look at him when she forced herself to admit what she'd done, "Oh,
God. I really have to face it...you've been so good about it all. All I've done
is push you away, I've told you to stay away, I tried to drive you into
somebody else's arms...now, the moment that you're with her, I couldn't bear
it, so I tried to coax you back. I tried to will you back.." Whispering,
she finished her confession, "I tried to seduce you back," sobbing
again...nearly choking on the words, " Oh, oh God, I'm so ashamed!"
John had gazed at
her with such love and compassion, crying as she was, with such pain in his
face. Again she turned away from him, unable to look at him and see what she
thought would be his condemnation. But, instead, his face mirrored her anguish
as he moved behind her and wrapped her in his arms. He hugged her and held her
in silence, gently swaying back and forth in the quiet stillness of the night.
And then he'd comforted her with his words as well, "Don't you cry, Doc.
You've done nothing to be ashamed about."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She sighed, feeling
confused again. He was so forgiving of her then.....
And later on, when
she lied about the baby she had conceived during their brief affair; about the
due date, about whether she thought he could be the father, telling him that
even if it were his, she would raise it as Roman's child. How cruel she was to
him.... because of her fears of losing her family, her reputation, destroying
her marriage, hurting Roman. Didn't she owe John that same forgiveness for the
fears that led him to act in similar fashion? He didn't have the same
foundation on which to build his identity, his sense of security in the world.
So when the memories of that other life came along, he was confused and
tormented, terrified of being left alone by the people who said they loved him.
He wasn't sure and so he lied and turned to Stefano and his unseemly methods.
There was no doubt
about it. What her husband did was incontrovertibly wrong, but was it
completely unforgivable?
'Oh, I wish I knew
what to do, John.... I wish I could find a way to begin to let it go, to work
things out with you. In spite of
everything, I still love you so.....'
There's a
million stars just waitin'
To fall for any
wish we make.....
John sighed with a
combination of apprehension and relief as the bright beams of his headlights
washed over her car, which was parked outside the cabin up ahead. He had a
general idea of where she went but he hadn't believed he would find her so
quickly. Perhaps wishing on a star was more than just a symbolic gesture after
all.
'Thanks Izzy.... '
he said with a wry smile as he pulled up next to the Mercedes and then stepped
out of his Jeep. 'I owe you one... or two or three...' he added, casting a
quick glance skyward, feeling more than grateful for the mere chance to look
upon the figure of the woman he loved and needed so intensely he could hardly
get through a day without her.
As he rounded the
left side of the cabin, his eyes fell upon her and he was captivated by the
sweet sight that rewarded him. Marlena was so incredibly beautiful, the most
naturally beautiful woman he'd ever seen. She was dressed in white cotton, her
golden silky hair long and flowing, her slender body swaying back and forth in
the soft shadows of the midnight moon...responding instinctively to the
soothing sounds of a romantic instrumental.
Deciding life was
all about taking risks, John couldn't resist temptation to see her once he
learned of her whereabouts. No matter what he'd been told by everyone else he
ever listened to, no matter what she said to him the last they talked on the
phone, John believed that this particular moment had been building for weeks.
This was the time to make his move toward reconciliation, or die for the aching
sensation deep inside in his heart and soul. Needing her so desperately as he
did, it was all he could do to hold off until she was within earshot, but he managed
it.
Keeping his voice
soft and low, he invited her to make a new start,
Darling, tonight
I am reminded
How much these
two hearts need romance
We get this kind
of chance…
Startled, Marlena
whirled around to face him, shuddering as a breeze fluttered her golden curls.
"John...what are you doing here... I thought that you were going
to...."
He stepped closer
still and hushed her with a fingertip that stopped just short of her trembling
lips. "I couldn't stay away, Doc... "
His other hand bore
a single white rose.... presented to her as a symbol of a new commitment to
their love. It brought tears to her eyes. Such a simple and yet profound
message. Before she could respond further, he continued with his gentle plea for
another chance,
Why don't we get
caught in this moment
Be victims of
sweet circumstance
Tonight I feel
like all creation
Is asking us to
dance........
She took the rose
but turned away from him... uncertain, wishing she could find it within herself
to surrender to his loving tenderness, and his romantic gestures. But no.. not
yet. She shook her head slightly, her free hand over her mouth, afraid she'd
cry. Unable to look at him and send him away again, Marlena found herself
stepping away from him and closer to the lake. She couldn't bear to see his
heartbroken expression.
Undaunted, her
husband followed her toward the water's edge. "I remember another night
like this, Doc... when we were fighting to contain the love and the passion we
felt for each other... when we were prepared to let it go for the benefit of
others... Do you remember what we said that night?"
"Yes, I
remember... " she said, still not facing him, feeling guilty and wondering
if he were going to mention the things she'd been saying to herself when the
memories came to her. Chiefly that she'd acted in very similar ways, for almost
the identical motivation he revealed, to preserve her life as she believed it
should be, hurting John deeply in the process.
Instead, he pointed
out the everlasting nature of their love, which warmed her heart, "I
remember what we said to each other that night, Doc... and I believe that it's
still true....that our love is forever, that it's meant to last a lifetime. Do
you still believe it too?"
At first all she
could do was cry.... for she had been coming to the same conclusion, that no
matter how terribly she was hurt by his actions, no matter how angry and
betrayed she felt, the love she held inside for him would never die. Their love
was so strong and so deeply rooted within the soul that no matter what came, it
would never wither, never fade away.
Still gazing out
over the serenity of the lake, thinking it would be nice if their married life
could be that calm, she finally made a reply which gave him a glimmer of hope,
"Oh, John.... I want to.... but
I'm.... I'm just so... "
Stepping up behind
her, he placed two hands on her bare shoulders, sighing with a feeling of peace
in his soul when she didn't shrug out from under his touch. Without comment, he
began to turn her around to face him, placing one hand under her chin, gently
tipping it up so that at last their eyes met. Cautiously, he spoke to her,
beseeching her with his moist blue eyes as he asked her to join him in this one
special moment, knowing they had so much to work through before true healing
could take place.....
"Marlena......
There'll be time
enough tomorrow
To get back to
our daily bread......
But, there's
something about this evening
That's put this
notion in my head
That heaven and
the earth are meeting
Tonight upon
this very spot.......
And all the
things on earth worth having
Are things that
we've already got......
"John I...
" She was so frightened of what came next, of letting her heart open, of
falling for his charms. And what if it happened again, how could she ever learn
to trust him?
Reading the
anguished questions in her glistening eyes, he pleaded for a one night reprieve
from paying the full penalty for his sins.... "Honey... I know I've made
some horrible mistakes and I've hurt you... and we have a long way to go... but
can't we put all the pain aside, for just one night?"
Casting her gaze
askance, she sighed wearily, cognizant that he was wishing for more that what
he voiced, "I don't think that's possible, John... so much has
happened...you betrayed my trust.... "
Nodding, his sigh
matched hers. And then he tried once more, his hands down at his sides even as
he was wishing he could put his arms around her, "Believe me, I realize
that... and you'll never know how much I regret the decisions I made all those
months... but there's something magical about tonight. Can you feel it,
Doc?" he asked, waving his right arm toward the glittering night sky and
the canopy of trees rustling in the breeze.
Marlena said
nothing but nodded almost imperceptibly, wanting so to be with him, wanting to
let him take her in his arms and hold her forever. Silent except for the sounds
of nature, cicadas buzzing, crickets chirping, the waves lapping against the
shore, it seemed an eternity passed before she had any clue of how to respond,
her head and heart doing battle. Looking at him waiting as patiently as he
could, his desire to reconcile nearly oozing from his pores, her own feeling of
need was becoming almost overwhelming. More than ever before, she wanted to
join with him and lose herself in this special moment.
When he apologized
yet again, she found herself relaxing as the anger and tension began to melt
under the tender touch of his hands upon her shoulders. His fingers moving through her hair, finally
coming to rest as he cupped her face between those loving hands, he whispered
softly once again,
"Darling,
tonight I am reminded
How much these
two hearts need romance
We get this kind
of chance
Why don't we get
caught in this moment
Be victims of
sweet circumstance
Tonight I feel
like all creation
Is asking us to
dance....
She was so
quiet. But he sensed that she was
softening in response to his romantic overtures, her body trembling slightly
from the tension of making her decision, which they now both knew was about
much more than this one night.
"So honey....
will you give me another chance to make things right.. will you put our troubles aside for just a
little while... and dance with me? What do you say, Doc?"
Taking his hands in
hers, she smiled as she looked deep into his sparkling baby blues. Noticing
they were moist with tears as hers were, Marlena repeated his own words back,
her heart swelling with a feeling of peace she never thought she'd feel again.
" Oh, honey...
I say....
Why don't we get
caught in this moment
Be victims of
sweet circumstance.....
At the same time as
John let out a contented sigh, his arms slipped effortlessly around her slender
waist. Marlena rested her head on his right
shoulder, relishing in the easy comfort of his embrace. As he took his
customary lead role in time with the rhythm of the song, she found herself
weeping in wonder at how it felt as though he'd never left her side.
"Oh, John.. I
love you so.." she said as the tears began to flow.
His warm breath
upon her neck sent enticing tingles up and down the length of her body, as he
whispered in her ear, "I love you too, Marlena.. *so* much."
John held her
closer still and guided her in a joyful serenade. They lost themselves in the
pleasure of the moment, becoming one with the music, one with the night, as two
hearts and souls slowly merged together, once more and forever.
Tonight I feel
like all creation
Is asking us to
dance.....
Lyrics borrowed
from song entitled, Asking Us to Dance as performed by Kathy Mattea on CD
entitled Time Passes By. Written by Hugh Prestwood (BMI) and produced by Allen
Reynolds for Polygram Records, Inc. copyright 1991.