I KEEP FORGETTING as performed by Lee Ann Womack

If I see you on the street and start to cry

If it looks like I'm so lonesome I might die

If you can hear my heart just breaking right in two

Remind me once again who left who..........

They were standing only a few yards apart and it was all she could do not to break down right there and then, seeing him with another woman, laughing, apparently enjoying himself. Why shouldn't he, when she was the one who sent him away? She had left him alone and crying, but he was trying his darndest to let her go and move on, to start over again without her. When she caught his eye, she saw a glint of something in those eyes of blue that looked a lot like the misery she was feeling, and she had a hunch he was faking his supposed newfound happiness.

So, if it had been what she wanted, why did it still hurt so much? Marlena Evans was asking herself that question among others whenever she saw him out in public somewhere. She avoided all their special places, the park, the pier, their favorite restaurants and still she ran in to him from time to time. It was, after all, unavoidable. Salem was not all that large a city and they traveled in the same social circles. She thought for awhile that he was making it happen, purposely bumping into her to remind her what she'd forsaken in breaking it off with him. It was true, at first, but then he'd slowly given it up it seemed; she guessed because he finally accepted that she meant what she said, that it was over. If only he knew how it broke her heart, how immense an effort it took to pretend she wasn't hurting as much as he was from the loss of those ever elusive dreams they once shared.

I keep forgetting

That I don't need you now

That I'm the one who said we were through

I just can't seem to remember

It was me who walked out the door

I keep forgetting

I don't love you anymore.....

She remembered the scene, the memory forever etched in her mind, his broken hearted expression, the sense of stunned disbelief on his face and in his sad blue eyes as she told him that she didn't want what he called love. She'd taken him by surprise and hurt him so... She told herself he deserved it, that he'd been taking them all for granted, that he was forsaking their love and their promise of a life together in favor of pursuing his confounded past. Still, she was the one who walked away and left him wanting her and needing her as much or more than ever. So... what was it that made her break down and cry every time her eyes fell upon his rugged good looks. Why did she have those sudden urges to call him and tell him it was all a big mistake?

If your phone should ring

In the middle of the night

If missing you is a feeling

I can no longer fight.......

Some nights the pain of being separated was more than she could bear, and she wondered if he were hurting as much as she was. And, then she'd recall how the tears were poised to fall from his wounded eyes as he dropped his head and told her he'd honor her wishes. 'Of course he's hurting, Marlena... you broke it off with him... he didn't want this, YOU did!' she yelled inside her mind as she gazed at a recent photograph of him with their little angels. Belle and Brady didn't understand and trying to explain it to them was the most painful part of it all. How could she tell them she no longer loved the man they absolutely adored, that everything their parents told them about a wedding and the idyllic family life that was supposed to follow was nothing more than a shattered illusion.

If I beg you, please, just give me one more try

Remind me I'm the one who said goodbye......

Occasionally, she supposed he probably wanted to call *her,* but didn't because she'd made it abundantly clear she wasn't going to talk to him. It nearly killed her to tell him they were through, but she believed in the moment that it was what was best for both of them. Now, she wondered, as the pain settled into her lonely heart.

I keep forgetting

That I don't need you now......

So, he was caught up in learning about his past and he was a little confused about his recollections involving Princess Gina. Was that so horrible? She found herself pondering whether she'd been too harsh with him. After all, Hope was the one in hot pursuit, not John. In all fairness, he seemed to be trying to pacify the poor girl at times. Still, Marlena had the sense he hadn't been totally honest with her, and she hated that idea. After everything they'd been through to be together, there was no room for secrets between them. She didn't need that from John Black. They'd played their cards much too close to the vest for a very long time and it had cost them years when they could have been sharing their lives. It was his own fault if he'd lost her, her action being the only logical outcome of his selfish choices. Marlena kept telling herself that and so many other similar phrases. Maybe one day she'd believe one of them, she mused as she absently brushed her hair before retiring to her empty bed, a bed he once kept so warm for her. She could lie to him, she could lie to her friends and even to her children, but she couldn't lie to her own reflection in the mirror before her. It always told the truth.

It slips my mind

That I'm the one who said we were through.........

Not able to look herself in the eye, she stood up and stepped out on the terrace overlooking the lights of the city at night, an awesome sight, a time of night they both loved, when it was dark and quiet. How she missed him in the early evening right around sunset when the soft array of pastels soothed their weary souls, and then again when the lights came up, and when the moon and stars were out, or at dawn when the birds chirped out a pleasant melody. In those times, she wondered how it came to be that they were apart again, even for a day, and then she'd recall, how it was she who said goodbye. That simple word said it all and so much more.

I just can't seem to remember

It was me who walked out the door......

It was all so unreal sometimes. John couldn't believe he was alone again; after everything they'd been through to find their way back together, he never thought it would happen and he didn't know what to do. Marlena seemed so sure of her decision... but how could he ever really let go of her when she was so deeply ingrained in his very soul? Night time was the hardest of all. He could fill his days with work and other chores, but deep in the night, his heart ached and his body craved her loving touch. His ears longed to hear her speak the words of love she once uttered so freely, and his soul cried out for her loving presence in his life. Sometimes, his mind gave him what he wanted most, when he finally fell into a fitful sleep and he went to his own special dream world, a world where, at last, she came back to him. It was a mystical magical place where they would finally reunite and their love remain forevermore.

I keep forgetting

I don't love you anymore.......

Marlena dreamed too and wished she hadn't told him she wanted it to end, that what he was offering her wasn't good enough. She wondered how she could ever turn things around, or if she could find a way to make up for what she'd done. She'd hurt him deeply and he might not take her back; he might decide that he'd had enough too. Maybe he was coming to the same conclusion she claimed to have drawn, which was that he didn't need her, that he didn't love her any more.

I keep forgetting

I don't love you anymore.....

'No...it can't be true!' In her heart of hearts, she couldn't allow herself to believe that. No matter what came before or since, somehow their love was sacred, and she was convinced that even if he made some kind of a life for himself with another woman, John Black would always love her. She knew for a fact that sometimes, he pursued another woman just so he could try to forget her, but he always failed. That brought strange comfort when the loneliness seemed overwhelming. If she let go of that fundamental belief, Marlena somehow knew that she would be lost forever. Even if she *said* she didn't want him, she needed to know that he loved her more than any other.

I keep forgetting...

I don't love you anymore........

One night, when the pain was more than she could bear, she made a quick decision and reached out for the portable telephone. It was time to talk, maybe see what they had left, maybe give it one more try. As her slender fingertips wrapped around the receiver, she jumped at the shrill sound that filled the previously silent room. It was ringing and she knew it was him. Suddenly, every argument she had against a total reconciliation flew right out of her head. Marlena couldn't remember why she ended the relationship. All she could think about was what it would be like to have his strong protective arms around her, to feel his gentle loving hands upon her skin, to kiss his sensuous lips. Marlena imagined what it might be like to have her body merge with his into one blissful entity. "John," she said to herself, softly caressing his name before she spoke to him.

She sighed with anticipation.

I keep forgettin'