INSENSITIVE

How do you cool your lips

After a summer's kiss........

It was the dead of winter, the bitter wind whipping through her body, chilling her to the bone and yet, all she could think of were the hot summer nights. When their love was strong, when it seemed invincible, when they made love and lost themselves in each other, melting into that incredible blending of bodies that brought them unimaginable pleasure.

How do you rid the sweat

After the body bliss...........

Marlena was standing on their pier as another memory came back to haunt her as they all did now. There was no comfort to be found in what once was or what might have been. Only the aching, gnawing pain of loss. She was immersed in the sensation, as that first reunion came to mind, and then she looked up toward the creaking noise made by someone coming down the stairs.

She knew who it was before she even saw him...

How do you turn your eyes

From the romantic glare..........

Their eyes met, registering a depth of pain such as they had never known. For they had walked away from love, when all the obstacles had seemingly been overcome, when there was nothing standing in their way, when they were free at last to express it openly, to marry and spend the rest of their lives together.

No, evil schemes... no Kristen, no Roman... nothing at all except the ghosts of years past.

How do you block the sound

Of a voice you'd know anywhere.....

Who was to speak? Who was to say the first words to be uttered as if by strangers who knew nothing of each other, whose lives were now so separate.

She dreaded the moment, for it would be like a dagger in her heart to hear him call her by name. "Hi Doc... " was all he said. That was enough to bring back so many of those pleasant memories. Strange that it caused such pain to remember the good times they'd shared.

"Hello, John...." She hid it well, but she was hurting as much as he was, at least it seemed that way to John in the moment he greeted her.

Then there was the small talk. "How's work... Can you believe all this snow... Do you think they'll actually impeach the President.." It didn't matter much what they said; it was all meaningless, every word simply meant to pass the time.

Oh, I really should have known

By the time you drove me home

By the vagueness in your eyes

Your casual goodbyes...........

John was remembering the day it ended, something that came to mind often during countless lonely nights spent all alone in a hotel room bereft of love. The truth was, it was over long before she ended it. Breaking up was merely a formality; there had been a distance between them for several months. It just took awhile for them to admit it.

By the chill in your embrace

The expression on your face..........

John remembered the day he'd sealed his fate, a day he knew he would never forget as long as he lived. It was that day at the hospital when he'd turned down her tearful plea, in favor of a virtual stranger who happened to know him more than a decade ago in some other life he led. A life he now knew Marlena cared absolutely nothing about. It wasn't that she didn't have some compassion for the young woman who was facing surgery. That wasn't the point; the point was he had put her before a girl he'd raised for some of the most important years of her life, a young woman who needed her family's support. It shouldn't have mattered that she'd hurt him. Sami was Marlena's daughter and his fiance had asked him to come and be with the family. At the time, Marlena was upset and said so, but ended up deferring to him, denying her true feelings about his choice.

Shortly after that, she made her decision to end the relationship. John was shocked by her action, but when his desperate pleas for another chance fell on deaf ears, he moved out of the Penthouse as she asked him to do. She said it was over for good, that there would be no second chances. She was so cold, so certain that she didn't want him anymore.

That told me you might have

Some advice to give on how to be

Insensitive.........

John stared at her in the glow of a full moon... casting those lustrous shimmering highlights in her golden tresses. She was still so beautiful, even more than the day he'd first laid eyes on her. No matter what he told himself when they were apart, the second he saw her all the lies he'd been telling himself about how he could get over her disappeared and he wanted her back.

Looking at her as he was now, he soon found himself longing for the warmth of her touch, for her soft breath upon his skin, and for the stirring sensation caused by her kisses.

How do your numb your skin

After the warmest touch.......

She felt it too and she sensed his growing desire, as he stepped slowly closer to her, his eyes broadcasting all he couldn't say, his need so strong it frightened her.

John was always most dangerous when he couldn't have her.

When he was standing an arm's length away, she stared straight into his determined blue eyes and said only one word, "No."

"Marlena... you still want me... I can see it in your eyes... don't try to deny it. I know you too well...." he said, disgustingly confidant of his affect on her.

Determined to back him off, without tipping him off to the fact that what he was said was completely true, she said what she knew would sting and then burn for awhile, "Oh, you do? Well... then you also know...that was only part of your appeal... and it's not enough. I went back to Roman... remember?"

He shut his eyes and a groan escaped. Ooh... that one hurt... like a knife wound that went way in deep... "Yes.. you did... but you never stopped loving me... I know that's true."

"Yes... but not anymore, John. I've learned the hard way where you're concerned; you only want me when you can't have me. Well, it won't happen again... not now, not ever."

How do you slow your blood

After the body rush.........

He shook his head slightly as he had that night so long ago, when she was saying one thing, her body telling him something entirely different. Maybe, just maybe it would happen again that same way.

John advanced still closer until he was only inches from her. He made his move, and she stood still, letting his hands rest upon her shoulders, and allowing his lips to meet hers. Then, just as he was about to kiss her more fully, she whispered harshly, "It's not going to happen, John... so enjoy this moment, and when you're all alone with those memories of yours. Think about what might have been... because you'll never kiss me... you'll never touch me again, John Black. You see.... I've gotten you out of my system. I don't need you now. And, you know what... I don't even like you anymore," she said, her words dripping with disdain at this latest stunt.

How do you free your soul

After you've found a friend.........

Wounded, he stepped away immediately. The pain of loss was suddenly worse than anything else he'd experienced in all the years he could remember. John realized that he'd blown it for good by coming on too strong. He had just ruined whatever miniscule chances he might have had to win her back. In the space of two minutes, he had lost even the merest hint of the opportunity to maintain a friendship with her. She wanted no part of him.

How do you teach your heart

It's a crime to fall in love again.........

His eyes registered the pain and then he shut them and a soft sound of distress escaped despite his best efforts to hide his reaction. "I'm sorry.. I was out of line... I'm just.... missing you... I still love you, Doc... and I thought that if....."

She smiled fiercely. "You thought that you could.. seduce me back.. that you have some... irresistible power over me. Well, you're wrong.... that's over!" she hissed at him to end the conversation, only he didn't let it go at that.

Humbled and embarrassed at his transparency, he told her what was in his aching heart, "No... that's not what I intended.... I just... need you so much... Can't we please try again... Doc, I promise... I won't let anything come before you and the kids again. I've learned from this... please, Marlena!" he said, nearly begging her.

Oh I really should have known

By the time you drove me home

By the vagueness in your eyes.........

He was praying. 'Dear God... let her open her heart up to me... that's all I ask is for a chance to prove to her how much I love her and the kids.... please God.. touch her heart! Let her give me one last chance!'

Her expression should have been enough. There was seemingly no trace of that once soul deep connection. Was it so easy for her to let it all go? Could it really have died? Had he killed it through neglect?

Your casual goodbyes....

A sigh of exasperation escaped as she said it once again, hopefully for the last time, "John... we've been over this.... I told you before... it's finished." She let it sink in and then added, "Now, I really have to be getting home. Take care of yourself..."

John stood there for one second, wondering how they could possibly have grown so far apart that she could speak with such a chill in her voice, as if he were no more than a casual acquaintance, as if their history that spanned more than a decade meant virtually nothing to her. It was tragic.

By the chill in your embrace.......

Impulsively, he reached out and grasped her forearm stopping her progress toward the stairs. "Wait a minute, Doc... please.. " he said anxiously, willing her to stay with him long enough for him to find the words to that would make her listen and let him into her heart in some small way. She stopped, and her eyes went automatically to his face and for a brief moment she met his pleading gaze.

The expression on your face...

In that split second, John saw something familiar in those hazel eyes, something he'd seen there once before in almost this exact same spot, under similar circumstances. Without warning, he reached for the other hand.

She was trembling and her left hand was clenched in that same tight little fist.

That told me you might have.......

John sighed with relief as he held her hand up in the light of the moon so that it was clearly visible to both of them. Then, he smiled knowingly and waited.

But she said nothing at all, so he said it for her, as he had that night so long ago. "You're scared, Doc... what are you so afraid of?"

Some advice to give on how to be.........

Marlena had no reply. She couldn't meet his eyes again, but he heard her breathing quicken and in the quiet stillness of the night, John found all the answer he needed. Marlena was good at denying her true feelings, but they both knew. Her pretense was over.

Insensitive.....

Jan Aarden