I had a dream
You were with me old friend
We cave in to sweet surrender.......
She wondered.... was he feeling the same thing? Was he still in love as she was slowly
realizing was true of herself. But if he were in love with her still, why
didn't feel he could share it with her? Was it that he didn't think he deserved
to be with her in some way, as was her concern? If they hadn't been interrupted
by Carrie and Austin's arrival the other morning, would they have admitted to
their feelings for each other? Would they have acted on those feelings again?
It was a special moment they'd shared, enjoying her recovery, Marlena thanking
John for what he'd done, John saying he'd do it again without thinking twice.
After that, everything had changed so fast; she went back to work and back to
the Penthouse and then he was gone from her every day life, Stefano in his
place. How did *that* happen?
John was pacing on the pier asking himself the same
kinds of questions, 'How could it be that Stefano had taken up residence with
Marlena, at her invitation? What did it all mean? How could she be taken in by
his amnesia act, pretending he didn't remember all the sick things he'd done.
And why was she so resistant to his suggestions that the man might be faking
it? Didn't she remember what the evil monster was capable of? Shaking his head
in disbelief, John worked his brain to think of a way to convince her she
wasn't responsible for the injuries Stefano suffered, and that she didn't owe the
man anything. He had to find a way. He loved her too much to let the bastard
hurt her again.
Now, I've held it in through October, November
No wonder
It's never been the same since then.......
'Oh, John... I remember how much we loved each other...
and there's still something there... I could see it in your eyes that first
morning in the loft... you feel something for me. She remembered their
conversation in her office just after he'd been released from his vows... he'd
been so confused, so uncertain of his future and then seemingly overnight he'd
reunited with Kristen. It made no sense to her, unless he did truly love the
other woman more. 'No, even if you're with Kristen now... I know you care so
much... what is stopping you from telling me? What's preventing me from telling
you? Oh, I'm so confused.... SO confused! God, help me know what to do...
Should I tell John how I feel about him? How *do* I feel about him?'
I picked up my phone
A million times to call you........
She remembered the affair--all that guilt! Was that the
reason for the possession? Had she gone so far off course? No, the Priest, the
Brady's, John, everyone had been telling her it wasn't her fault. She didn't
deserve what happened to her; it wasn't punishment for her sins. If that were
true, then why was she still so plagued with guilt?
But I lost my nerve........
She had the phone in her hand to call him, wanting to
have a heart to heart, something they desperately needed to do after that last
tense encounter about Stefano and her need to help the man John hated so much.
John kept getting angrier and angrier, ready to choke the man to death with the
slightest provocation, the thought of him staying with Marlena at her
invitation tearing at the very fabric of their friendship. Marlena knew that it
went against every instinct he owned to walk out the door of the Penthouse and
leave her there alone with the man who had caused them both pain that was
unimaginable to most people. But, every time she was about to dial the number,
she flashed on an image of John with his arm around Kristen and she put it
down, not wanting to cause him problems. He seemed relatively content with the
woman who had helped her so much, so how could she hurt them both by confusing
him now, by revealing her feelings for him? No, that simply wouldn't be
right... would it?
Cause every time I saw you
Like a love sick kid
Child it was my paranoia
You would laugh... but instead
You read these thoughts inside of my head.........
There was something strange going on with Marlena... and
not just about Stefano, he'd sensed it ever since that day at the hospital when
he told her that he and Kristen had gotten back together. She tried to hide it
and at the time he didn't really notice it, but her reaction was less than enthusiastic
when he shared the news. He thought she might be happy for him and she was
pleasant enough, but there was something bothering her about it and he wanted
to know what it was. The more John reviewed the past couple of weeks in his
mind, the more he was coming to the conclusion that she wasn't pleased with the
idea of him being with Kristen. Could it be that she was.. jealous, somehow,
that she still cared for him, in ways that went beyond close friendship? Oh...
Doc... could it be... do you still love me?' he finally asked out loud, as
he stared out at the glistening waters of the Salem River bathed in moonlight.
His heart began to pound inside his chest, and his breathing quickened at the
mere suggestion of it. Then he tried to make himself face what he believed to
be true in his mind, if not his heart, 'No, stop it, John... she would have
given you some kind of a clue if that were the case... she would have told
you... Don't do this to yourself... you know she only cares about you as a
friend. That's all it can ever be..' he was saying to himself, trying to be
realistic about it. He'd gotten his hopes up before and had them dashed and he
wasn't about to do it again.
And, it's you
It's been you all the time
You're changing my whole state of mind.........
She had enough; this time was going to be different. She
picked up the phone and dialed his cell phone number, hoping he had it on and
that the battery was charged. It was ringing and then suddenly, she heard the
voice she loved so well, "Hello, John Black here.."
"John... oh, hello.. it's Marlena..." she said
nervously, the words she'd rehearsed failing her.
"Oh, hi Doc... is everything okay? It's not
Stefano.. he didn't do anything did he? " John asked worriedly, taking a
step toward the stairs, prepared to race to her side if need be.
It touched her heart to know that he'd come at a
moment's notice, if she needed him. "No.. oh, no... that's not it at all..
I was just... wondering if maybe... I don't know, if you would meet me
somewhere. I think we have a lot to talk about."
That was a good sign--just maybe. "I think we do
too, Marlena... sure, where do you want to meet? I'm on my own tonight at the
loft, I could meet you there or I could come pick you up at your place... what
did you have in mind?" he asked, eager to see her, but not sure what he
might say to her about what he'd been thinking.
"Oh... well, how about if I just come over to the
loft... I can be there in twenty minutes... how's that?"
"That's great!" he said a little too excitedly.
"Uh, I mean... that'll be fine, Marlena... I look forward to seeing
you."
She stifled a giggle. He was obviously happy about the
idea and that was definitely a good sign. "Me too... see you soon,
John."
"Yea... drive carefully.. please."
"Of course... and you."
It took just a minute
But now that I'm in it
It's you darlin'
It's been you all the time
Like somebody turned on a light
Come on and watch me shine
It's been you all the time......
There was an undeniable spark there, it was something in
his voice and the way he reacted so strongly to her suggestion about coming
over to his place; she didn't want to get too worked up over it, but there were
definite possibilities. She was determined to tell him something, to at least
hint about her feelings and then read his reaction. If he gave the slightest
encouragement or revealed himself as having strong feelings for her, she would
tell him the truth, that she was very much in love with him and wanted to spend
her life with him. If her recent ordeal had taught her anything, it was that
she shouldn't waste any time holding back on love.
Now when you smile
The world opens up for me
You're just my style......
She wanted to see him. She said they had a lot to talk
about. Could it be that she was going to tell him how she really felt? Maybe it
was true and she did love him. Remembering that day in the loft when they were
eating her omelet, he sighed.... he had been teasing her and she smiled that
dazzling happy smile that turned his insides to mush... and then he touched her
face telling her how beautiful she was... "Oh, Doc... I wonder..."
Once again, he burst his own bubble, not wanting to set himself up for
disappointment 'Nah.... it's probably about that fight we had earlier... she
just wants to make sure the friendship is okay,' he was telling himself.
With a heavy sigh, he headed on up the stairs and to the Jeep, needing to get
back and tidy up the place a bit before she arrived. He'd left it a mess.
And this time I do believe
We're two of a kind
How could I be so blind.....
Scurrying around, he made sure there were no dirty socks
on the floor, toys to trip over or old cups of coffee sitting around. Before he
knew it she was knocking on his door. He took a deep breath and let it out,
then opened the heavy door to reveal a gorgeous creature called Marlena Evans.
"Hi Doc... I'm glad you're here... come on in, I just brewed a fresh pot
of coffee... decaf.. of course."
"Of course... I'd love some," she said, as he
took her coat, ever the gentleman.
She crossed the room to sit on the couch, while he went
right to the task of pouring the coffee... "So, Marlena.... what did you
want to talk about?" John asked, deciding the anticipation and the waiting
were worse than getting shot down.
"Well, first of all.... it's about that.. argument
we had earlier... I wanted to clear the air because I don't want Stefano to
come between us."
It was all he could do to keep the disappointment from
his face, "Well, neither do I Doc... I'm really sorry I got so angry and
you need to know it's not you... it's him... I know it's your life and your
house. I just don't want you to be hurt anymore, Marlena... because you mean so
much to me.. you know and.. I... " John stopped, realizing he was rambling
and might say too much. He grinned sheepishly and looked away for a moment,
muttering a quick, "Sorry.."
He was so cute when he did that; it was all she could do
to respond to what he'd said and not his sweet handsome face. "No, that's
okay... I understand and I'm sorry too... I didn't mean to get so angry with
you either.. I'm just so confused right now and... I feel so responsible for
what happened... and I need to do something about it, but I don't want to fight
with you. You mean so much to me too and the last thing I want is to let
something come between us... so let's make a vow not to do that."
"Sure, Doc... we've been... friends for so long...
that's the last thing I want too," he said taking the hand she'd extended
to him. Briefly, he brought the hand to his lips and planted a soft moist kiss
before releasing it, a move that brought a sweet smile to her pretty face.
It was right there in that simple gesture. They were
more than friends and deep in their hearts they both knew it, even if they
hadn't voiced in years.
My heart... it's sincere
I believe I've wanted you for years and years...
"Doc... you said there was something else..."
he began and then stopped again, suddenly afraid that if he revealed himself he
would only confuse the situation.
"Uh.. yes, there is... John, there is something
else, something that could change everything for us, but I'm not exactly sure
how to say it."
"Oh... well, maybe it would help if I make a little
confession to you about something, Doc.."
That was intriguing, "A confession... what kind of
a confession?" she asked, arching her eyebrows.
"Well, it's about how I feel, and who I love. It's
about what happened when you were so sick and we didn't know what was
wrong." She was sitting and he was standing, moving around the room
nervously, surprised that he suddenly had the confidence to share it with her
so openly, but he did so he seized the opportunity, "Doc... I was out of
my head... with worry.. I was so afraid I was going to lose you... you know
that. And, when I thought you died, and that I had failed you... I felt dead
inside. I felt empty, Doc... completely empty, and I knew that my life would
never be the same again. I knew there was this void, this hole inside of me
that no one and nothing on this earth could fill but you, Doc..."
"Oh, John... " she said as tears formed in her
eyes, moved by his vulnerability, believing she knew where he was headed.
And it's you baby
It's been you all the time
You're changing my whole state of mind..........
"Marlena... the honest truth is... and I don't know
why I haven't had the... courage to tell you this before now... but I
realized... Doc, I love you... I still love you and I wanted you to know that.
If you still want us to be friends... I can live with that... I can..."
"Oh... John... Oh, honey..." She was overcome
by emotion, the joy she was feeling taking control for a moment. John was
gazing at her with such love and adoration and it seemed like a dream. Finally,
even as the tears flowed, she found some words, however inadequate they might
be. Taking his hands in hers, she said tenderly, "John... you touch me
so... Honey... I love you too... so much... but I didn't... I wasn't sure...
You got back together with Kristen and I thought my chance was lost... but
tonight... I decided that I should tell you, and now...."
It took just a minute
But now that I'm in it
It's you darlin'
It's been you all the time
Like somebody turned on a light
You better watch me shine
It's been you all the time............
Cupping her cheeks with his hands, he gazed deeply into
her eyes and told her the rest of it, "Doc....I know that getting back
with Kristen was a mistake. I was confused, she pushed, and I rushed into it...
and I regret it.. I've sensed that you weren't too keen on the idea, but before
tonight I didn't have the guts to ask you about it and then we got all caught
up with arguing about Stefano. Until just a second ago, I wasn't sure I could
tell you all of that, but the fact is... it's always been you. You're the one I
run to when I have good news to share and you're the one I want with me when
I'm hurting, and you are the one person I could always count on. It's been you
all the time, only you, Marlena. I love you with all my heart and soul."
Now to think you've always been right here
And loneliness had been my greatest fear
Until I saw the answers in your eyes,
Yes I did
And, at last it's clear
Now that I see that you're the only one for me........
Again, it was nearly too much to take in all at once. He
loved her more than he ever had; all she had to do was take one good look into
those sparkling blue eyes to see it. Suddenly, everything was made clear again,
the confusion disappearing in the love she saw in those eyes. All she needed
was to let this man love her and take care of her, for the rest of her life.
The love they had to deny for so long was right there within their hungry grasp
and all they had to do was reach out and reclaim it.
It's been you all the time
Oh, my baby
It took just a minute
But now that I'm in it
It's you darlin'
It's been you all the time.....
They stared at each other in silence, slightly stunned
to have it all out in the open after so long. When their new and exciting
reality began to penetrate that sense of amazement, John took her in his arms
and captured her sweet warm mouth in the most stirring of kisses, his tongue
bringing on her desire within seconds. They paused, breaking contact, each
wanting to make sure it was really happening because it was a moment they had
imagined countless times before, only to find it was a fantasy. "Oh,
John... you can't know... how many times I wished for this..." she said,
as tears continued to fill her ecstatic hazel eyes.
His heart swelled at the realization that they truly
felt the same about each other and had just admitted it. John was elated and
his voice shook as he spoke, "Oh... yes I can, Doc... yes I can... There
were so many times I wanted to tell you... so many times when I sensed
things... that I wanted to ask you about... but...."
"But the guilt stopped you, didn't it?" she
questioned, knowing what his answer would be.
Nodding, he confirmed her conjecture, "Yes... I
hated what happened when our affair was revealed, Doc.. I hated myself... for
causing you so much pain and I believed you could never love me because of it."
"Oh, honey...” she sighed, " we wasted so much
time... so much."
He didn't want to dwell on that, not now. There would be
time to talk it all through, but for now, he wanted to enjoy this special time
that had been so long in coming. "I know... but we're together now.. and
that's all in the past. Our love is out in the open... we don't have to hide it
anymore, Doc... and I feel so great!" he said excitedly, taking her in his
arms once again, loving the smell of her hair and the feeling of holding her like
he thought he might never do again. "God, I love you pretty lady!" he
said as a joyful tear or two snuck out, just before kissing her fervently
again, igniting the flames that always burned just below the thin veneer of
control.
Her heart was filled with joy. "And I love you,
this is so wonderful honey... it's like all of a sudden... all the darkness is
gone and all I see all around me is light... the light of your love and God's
love is shining in my heart, and the future is so bright. Oh, I just love you
so!" she finished passionately, her body trembling with the power of this
awesome moment.
Like somebody turned on a light...
You better watch me shine
It's been you all the time...........
Inspired by song entitled, It’s Been You, as performed by Anita Baker