MAKE LOVE STAY

Now that we love

Now that the lonely nights are over

How do we make love stay?

It was Christmas Eve and she stood bathed in the glow of twinkling colored bulbs on the fir tree and candlelight, a gorgeous sight in his eyes. But that was always true... in any kind of lighting, wind or rain, any conditions at all, she was almost angelic and she was always beautiful to him. He caught her eye and she smiled so warmly his heart melted at the sight of it, and it suddenly occurred to him that he'd been neglecting her again... caught up in the search for his past. 'Oh, Doc... your love for me... it's amazing... you deserve better than I've been giving lately,' he was saying to himself as he continued to admire her in silence.

Now that we know

The fire can burn bright or merely smolder

How do we keep it from dying away?

She could see something different in his eyes, something was changing for the better. His thoughts were focused on her and their children... he was in the here and now and it pleased her immeasurably. "Honey... come on over here and help us with the tree.. so it's perfect for the pictures... please?"

"Sure, Doc... I was heading in that direction anyway... " he said, glad to have his focus back in the right place.

"Daddy.... look at this... Mommy says you gave this to her when I was just a baby girl," said Belle proudly holding up an ornament that was specially engraved with the words, "Belle's first Christmas, Dec 1993," and on the bottom were the words, "From your favorite local delivery man."

"Yes I did, Belle baby," John said with a chuckle, giving his adorable five year old a kiss on the cheek. In the next moment, the kids were on to something else, but John and Marlena were immersed in the memory of that amazing time on Smith Island.

"Oh, John... sometimes it seems like just yesterday, doesn't it?" she asked remembering the miracle of her little girl's birth.

Wrapping his arms around his fiance, John smiled on the memory, saying, "Yes it does... I was so glad that I could be there to help you... You were so brave..."

"That was the most... incredible moment of my life, John... Giving birth like that... with you there... Even though we didn't think she was your child at the time... there was such a special bond between us, wasn't there?"

"Oh.. yea... there definitely was, Doc... It was like... we knew... somehow... deep inside... we knew she was ours..." How strange it all was; their love was ever present, sometimes so obvious for them and all the world to see, sometimes hidden well beneath the surface, a strong friendship in its place.

Elusive as dreams

Barely remembered in the morning

Love like a phantom flies.......

"Yes... our beautiful baby Belle... and you... you were terrific.. you were so strong, so positive... and you handled the pressure so well."

He laughed at that, remembering the anxious adrenaline that coursed through his veins for the entire day, "Sure fooled you, didn't I? I was shaking inside, Doc... I was so scared I'd do something wrong...you were the strong one, honey. You always were... you know that?" he said with wonder, his hands caressing her cheeks ever so gently.

"Oh... you, I just love you so...." she said, admiring him anew.

"Good... cause you are stuck with me, forever, pretty lady.." he said, suddenly feeling the flames of passion flaring again, a welcome sensation, as he leaned in to give her a kiss. He saw in her eyes that she felt it too and that later on... when the kids went down... those flames would burn bright and hot once again....

But held in the heart

It pales like the empty smile adorning

A statue with sightless eyes.......

"Daddy... I found a special one too... Do you remember this one?" asked Brady, holding out an ornament Marlena had chosen for Brady a couple years back, during a time when they weren't together. It was one with a sports theme which had a picture of a father and son playing ball together. They looked remarkably like John and Brady.. and the note attached said, "To my two favorite boys of summer... Love Mommy Marlena."

"Oh... yea.. Slugger, that's one of my very favorite ornaments. I love it almost as much as I love the pretty lady who gave it to us," John said with a toothy grin, just before he took her in his arms again.

Noticing that they were standing under the mistletoe again, Brady said, "Oh... Dad... " said Brady pointing toward the ceiling. Both parents looked up and saw where his finger was directed. Their eyes met, saying how much they were enjoying that little game and then their lips met again, Johns' tongue slipping inside Marlena's mouth, swirling around hers making rapid movements at first then slower more controlled ones that left them both feeling the heat of desire. "Mmmm, Merry Christmas, Doc," John moaned softly.

"Mmm... yes... and a very Merry Christmas.. to you, my love," she repeated, her voice a passionate whisper. They only stopped when they heard the giggling starting up again. Belle and Brady were standing there talking about their parents and all that mushy stuff they seemed to like so much lately. Still, they loved the game of reminding them whenever their parents were standing underneath the sprigs of mistletoe placed strategically around the Penthouse by one loving fiance named John Black, not that he needed any excuses, of course.

Moments fleet, taste sweet within the rapture

When precious flesh is greedily consumed........

As they moved on to other decorating tasks, a simple reminder took her back to the wondering... A picture of him laughing, playing in the snow... with Bo and Hope... and that dark haired girl. They were arguing less than 24 hours ago... about Greta, again. In her heart, she knew it wasn't really about the young woman at all;it was what she represented a new threat to their happiness as a couple. She was a symbol signifying his past... that elusive, mysterious unremembered past he so desperately wanted to recover. Whenever they argued about whether the young woman might be working for Stefano it was only a metaphor for a difference in priorities and perspectives.

Marlena didn't want to look back anymore. There was a lot of pain in the past and she wanted to focus on the future with her children and the man she loved, but John on the other hand, he was spending a lot of time immersed in a time he couldn't recall, asking the girl questions, staring at a picture of himself taken more than a decade ago, wanting to have hypnosis sessions to see if more memories could be triggered. They were at odds; she wanted to be supportive, but in her heart of hearts she didn't understand his need to uncover the mystery and she was afraid of what it would mean if he regained the missing memories. Would it cost them their love?

But mystery's a thing not easily captured

And once deceased not easily exhumed........

John looked over and noticed her looking at that picture again. He wished he'd never brought it home at all. She found it in the pocket of his leather jacket. For some reason it threatened her. John was trying to understand, but he couldn't quite. Approaching her slowly, he placed his hands on her shoulders and spoke softly, "Marlena..... everything is going to be okay... I love you and we're going to be married. We're going to make all our dreams come true next year.... we're going to be married like we planned, Doc."

She allowed him to gently turn her body toward him, looking into his warm blue eyes, she believed he meant it, but things were sometimes beyond their control. She let him see that realization in her slightly hidden eyes, but said nothing. Instead she buried herself in his arms, wishing these moments could last forever, that they never had to leave the safe haven of their home. For when he was there with her and their little children, she never doubted his love or commitment. It was always when they ventured forth into the uncertain world, when the draw of his elusive past was strong, when that girl had a mysterious pull on him. When he seemed preoccupied.

"Is it, John... will it really be okay? I have to wonder sometimes... I see you becoming so wrapped up in the past, in searching for those answers you think will make your life complete... and I.."

Now that we love

Now that the lonely nights are over

How do we make love stay?

He stared into her worried eyes and tried hard to make her believe as he did, that their life would fall into place in 1999. "Marlena... it *will* be okay... Yes, I want to know about my past. I want a history and a heritage to give to you and the kids. I want a complete picture, yes... but my life, my future is here with you and the children. I know that.. and I am sorry for spending so much time away from you. I promise.. that's going to change.. after the New Year." He leaned in to kiss her and the world went away as their passions flared, disappearing in the love they shared for each other. They truly believed that indeed they could conquer any challenge life had to offer.

Moments fleet, taste so sweet within the rapture

When precious flesh is greedily consumed........

Her pleasant vision of love during the Holiday season faded away into the reality of late Spring 1999, the sun shining brightly, birds chirping outside on the terrace. That was months ago and what was happening? He had spent the bulk of his time in recent weeks with Hope Williams, a young woman who not all that long ago seemingly had everything she wanted right there in her hands, but was throwing it all away. She was throwing her one true love away, in favor of pushing John to remember his past. She had rejected Bo Brady's overtures time and time again, but instead sought out John's company and commiseration about being a victim of Stefano, and that was just not like the Hope Marlena remembered.

She pondered the question she asked John earlier. Just what was the woman doing to him? One minute he's committed to seeing it through to the end, despite the horrible headaches he was having, and the next he's wanting to walk away from his past, to put it all behind him. 'Suddenly, he comes home and he wants to marry me immediately..' She had to wonder... Did it have something to do with Hope? Marlena's guess was that it did and she was determined to find out what, if only John would open up with her about what transpired in those hours he was gone. It was all so very strange, like a world turned upside down on its axis; everything was so off kilter between the four of them. In Marlena's mind it all came down to one person, Stefano Dimera, the demented evil being responsible for setting it all in motion more than a decade earlier.

But mystery's a thing not easily captured

And once deceased not easily exhumed........

Later that same day, she was sitting in the living room at the Penthouse on the eve of their scheduled nuptials, waiting for the bridesmaids to arrive. She wanted to feel content and happy about marrying John, but her mind couldn't stop asking the questions raised by the sudden change in her fiance's attitude about his elusive past, and about their wedding. John said he loved her dearly, that his life and his future was with her and their two small children, that they were the reason he was letting go of the past now. So why did she have a hard time believing he wasn't somehow being motivated by fear? He insisted on marrying her right away when they'd already waited a year. Why the sudden urgency?

Looking at that first wedding photo for what seemed like the hundredth time recently, she spoke to her groom as if he were there with her, "Oh, John... I wish you would tell me what's going on with you." Her fingers touching the glass, she wondered how it was that he hadn't been open with her, "After all this time, I thought you would trust in me completely... that you would confide in me... not Hope. I don't understand, John... I do want to marry you, as much as I always did, but not because you're afraid of something or.. someone." Marlena made a quick decision, writing a quick note to put on the door for her friends and family. Then, she got on the phone and called Caroline, asking her to let people know the fittings had to be postponed until early the next morning. She wasn't going to walk down that aisle until she knew the answers to her questions. John always *said* he believed in total honesty between them... and now was the time for him to prove it to his fiance. Otherwise, Marlena believed their love was in jeopardy, married or not. As she exited the building, she looked up into a cloudy sky, wondering where the moon that shined so nicely the other night was hiding, the sky looking so barren and lifeless without it.

Now that we loved

Look at the moonless night and tell me

How do we make love stay?

Inspired by the song of the same title, as written and as written and performed by Dan Fogelberg