After the
Rain
Chapter 12
Natural Consequences
Roman was alone in his jail cell. It was
Sunday morning and his attorney, one Jared Parker, someone Mickey Horton had
highly recommended, had just left after explaining the full ramifications of
the Insanity plea they were going to enter at Monday morning's arraignment
proceeding. "Temporary Insanity," he repeated with a forlorn sigh,
looking at the notes he'd taken. "Yea...right." As hard as he tried,
he still couldn't remember exactly what happened. "There has to be more to
it... but what?" Only very vague shadowy images of that night were there
in his mind. John groaning in pain during the incident and just afterward, and
the blood... there was SO much of that crimson red liquid. On the floor where
John had fallen, on the couch, on John's clothing and on his hands, Roman's
helpless victim having valiantly tried to stop the flow of life giving fluid
from his injured body. Hard as he tried, those haunting sounds and images
wouldn't leave his mind, dominating his thoughts and dreams, day and night.
Sorry didn't begin to cover how he felt about what he had done to someone who
had been considered a good friend at one time.
Roman remembered the rest of it with
excruciatingly vivid detail, Marlena spitting her words at him, the hatred
dripping from her mouth. She held him in bitter contempt now and he knew beyond
all doubt that there would be no more relationship with her, of any sort. They
would never even speak to each other again, at least that was what she said,
and he believed her without question. She had been to see him only once,
wanting to make some sense of the horrific events on that fateful New Year's
Eve.
The only detail he actively recalled since
then was that it was Kristen Blake who had called him in the early evening. So,
he now knew it was a set up from the very first moment she'd found him in the
ISA hospital. She hastily arranged his return in order to come between the
other two, who had been planning to wed on the very day of his return. In fact,
she had gone so far as to time it so that he returned just in time to interrupt
the wedding ceremony itself. This last incident was no different. Kristen Blake
had set events in motion for him to discover John and Marlena having sex
together on their wedding night with the express purpose of creating conditions
whereby Marlena would feel such guilt as to break off her relationship with
John and recommit to her ex-husband, who would be none the wiser to Kristen's
scheming ways.
Shaking his head as he thought of her,
Roman said out loud what everyone else wanted to say to her face, "What a
selfish, lying, manipulative, BITCH!!" She was almost as clever and as
diabolical as her Old Man. The woman wanted John Black for herself and she
hadn't given a moment's concern for the pain she would cause all three of those
involved in taking the action she had from that first day so many months ago,
and especially on that Holiday night. And, now... the man she said she loved
was paralyzed as the ultimate end result of what she'd orchestrated.
Roman felt absolutely horrible about
it--to think that he could have done such hideous things to a man he had called
a friend. He wondered how John was doing, if he'd recovered any more function
or feeling. Suddenly, the waves of shame washed over him and he turned to God
for help, seeking some absolution, some wisdom, "Dear God.. they tell me
I've hurt John.. that he's seriously injured, paralyzed because of me... but I
don't remember it. I don't have any recollection of what I did to him. All I
remember is what happened when Abe arrested me. I can remember seeing John
lying there on the couch, bleeding and unconscious. They say I held him at
gunpoint, that I... taunted and then shot him twice and laughed while he
bled... that I hit him with the butt of a gun... so hard that I nearly bashed
his skull in and caused him to hit the back of his neck on a table...which
resulted in the paralysis. God, how could I have done such terrible things
to him? I'll admit, I was jealous... but to torture him... to make him think I
would shoot him that way until he bled to death... or I turned him over to
Kristen...'
It was absolutely sickening and he turned
to the heavens, kneeling down near the cot in his cell, desperately pleading on
behalf of his former rival, "Oh, please.. God... heal his injuries... I'll
pay any price you ask for what I've done to him and Marlena... If someone has
to suffer...let it be me and Kristen; we deserve to be punished. John has
suffered more than enough pain in his life... please God... bring healing to
his body... and his heart and mind. Give him the strength to fight for his
recovery."
His thoughts then turned to the woman he
still loved and he asked God to help her too.. She was hurting so much He knew
that from what his parents had been telling him. All he had seen was the anger,
but the pain and fear were right behind it and she had no reason to hide it
from them. Roman asked his Lord to help her as well, "..and Marlena...
give her the strength and courage she needs to get through this very difficult
and painful time.. I know that whatever happens... it's going to be a very long
time before John is back on his feet, walking... using his arms and hands to do
those normal every day things we all take for granted. Get them through it...
please don't let him give in to the despair he must be feeling right now.....
work through Marlena to help him hang on... to keep him fighting, despite the
pain and the fear.”
He recalled his mother's recent
description of John's condition and mental state. The man wasn't eating
anything to speak of, and was therefore dropping pounds at an alarming rate...
he wasn't talking much either... especially since suffering the stroke. In
fact, John reportedly seemed to be very depressed and withdrawn from life in
general. Shaking his head, Roman repeated out loud what he'd been told earlier,
"A stroke..." How much could one man be expected to handle without
giving up all hope? Roman had the feeling John was past that point and he
wondered if he could help in any way.
Suddenly the thought occurred. Maybe if he
went to see John, the anger the man had to feel toward his attacker would
flare.. Anger was a very powerful force, and maybe, just maybe it would be
enough to give John that little spark he needed to go on fighting. Because the
longer he laid there in a state of deep depression, the worse his chances for a
full recovery would become. "Dear Lord... if it is in your will.. I ask
you... make this happen... help me find a way to do something to help John... I
am SO sorry for what I did to him... please... use me somehow... to help him
recover from this tragic incident."
At his most intense moment of guilty
remorse, Roman looked up and there were his two beautiful twins. They were all
grown up now. They had stood by him, supporting him, encouraging him, telling
him their mother still loved him and not to give up. They knew all along that
she loved the other man, but they had wanted their parents back together so
badly that they couldn't accept the reality of John and Marlena's deep and
everlasting love for each other. Roman looked into their eyes, searching for
clues as to their attitude toward him now.
Where would they stand?
"Hey... you two... thank you for
coming... I know you must be... pretty confused right now."
Eric spoke first, "Confused? That's
putting it mildly... Dad, you almost killed him! I can understand that you
would be hurt and angry... but to..." He had to stop, when the words his
mother had told him came to mind and the image of her crying haunted him. Eric
Brady had his guilt too, for so many cruel remarks he'd made to a man whose
only crime was loving them all so much that he couldn't let go, even when he
knew he should.
Sami had been spending a lot of time
thinking about it as well, trying to make sense of it all, and in this moment,
she was angry at her father, having finally accepted the fact that John was
truly a victim this time. No matter that he snuck off in the night to marry her
mother in secret, he certainly didn't deserve to be paralyzed and now he'd had
a stroke too. "Torture.... you can say it Eric... it's all going to come
out in court on Monday. Dad.. tortured him by shooting him and letting him lie
there bleeding... I don't understand this Daddy...how could you.. do something
like that?"
"Oh... Peanut... I don't know... I
don't remember doing any of it. I don't remember seeing them at all.. not until
it was all over and John was... lying there unconscious. I swear it!"
"Explain that to me, Dad! How is that
possible? I can't understand how you could forget something like that...
something so hideous. I was angry at John too.. so was Sami, but to be
paralyzed from the neck down? You know he didn't deserve that!"
"No... he didn't. No one deserves
that kind of suffering." Roman felt such all-encompassing remorse about
it. And, now he was every bit as helpless to effect change as John had been
that night. "You can't know how sorry I feel about this, how I wish I could
remember it all, that I could make it right somehow."
Sami was crying for their suffering,
realizing more with each passing day how wrong she had been to condemn her
mother for loving the other man, who had so lovingly raised her, "Well,
you can't Dad... and Mom is... destroyed by what you've done.... and John...
he's... Well, I've never seen someone so depressed. Ever since the stroke
yesterday morning, it's like he's given up... like he believes all hope is
lost. He seems to think that what happened to him is the same thing Victor
Kiriakis went through. They keep telling him that's not true, but he can't seem
to understand that his stroke wasn't like Victor's. It's horrible... he's been
losing weight, he hardly even speaks. Mom's the only one who can get him to
even open his eyes or eat anything at all. And poor Belle and Brady... they
don't know what to do... they're afraid of how he looks; they try to get him to
smile, but nothing seems to help."
Each word was like another dagger piercing
his heart, and he pleaded for some understanding, even as Roman apologized,
"I'm sorry... you can't know how much, Peanut..."
Somehow hearing that term of endearment
set her off and she unloaded her frustrated confusion about his actions,
"Don't call me that, don't you ever call me that again! All that talk
about love and forgiveness... it was all lies! You told me that I should let go
of
Over on the other side of the county jail,
Kristen was enduring a similar process, only her memory was very clear and it
caused tremendous guilt whenever she thought of the last time she'd seen the
man she loved. She thought he was alone and poked her head inside the door,
only to find that he was with his best friend Abe Carver giving his statement
about what Roman had done to him. He was trying to be strong, but she could
hear the distress in his voice, the fear he felt about what the future held in
store. It was that upsetting conversation which prompted her own tearful
confession about her involvement in what happened. She was going to throw
herself before the court and plead for mercy, but that didn't take away that
gut-wrenching sense of guilt she was experiencing about her part in John's suffering.
The voice of her own conscience mixed with
the words of John's new bride, left Kristen feeling indescribable remorse for
her behavior. Marlena had come to see her earlier, having confronted the
willing prisoner, "He's paralyzed, Kristen...from the neck down.. maybe
for the rest of his life.. because of you! It was ultimately your selfish
desire to.. possess John that caused the pain he's in... and the fear... Do you
have any idea what he's going through right now?"
It was killing her to think of how much he
was hurting, and she wept for him, "Marlena... I am so sorry! You can't
know how much. If I could take it all back, If I could trade places with him, I
would... I never wanted anything like that to happen. You have to believe
me!"
"That's the whole problem,
Kristen...you can't take it back! John is lying in that bed over at the
hospital because of you, and Roman!
Every day he has to have someone come in and insert a catheter several
different times so he can urinate... and every morning they feed him, just like
he's a baby and then come back a half hour later to give him a suppository so
he can have a bowel movement... and that's a problem too, because he really
doesn't eat or drink much of anything since he's so terribly depressed. You
see, on top of everything else, yesterday morning he suffered a stroke and
he's.. giving up hope..." The emotions threatened to overwhelm her and she
cried as she continued to rave at her former rival, "He's dying,
Kristen... a little more with each passing day... John is dying inside. Do you
have any idea how he feels? He waits... every day... all day long, Kristen....
he waits for things to happen to him... he waits for someone to come in and
talk to him... to care for him.. He
doesn't get to choose much of anything anymore, Kristen... and he's so scared..
because of what YOU and Roman did to him! I hope to God.. the guilt eats you
alive!!" Marlena hadn't even given Kristen a chance to reply; she didn't
care about what the woman had to say, she just wanted the bitch to know what
she'd done in great detail.
The prisoner's mind played an imaginary
picture of the man she loved, lying alone and helpless in a hospital bed.. just
as Marlena described. "Oh.. John...I'm SO sorry... I swear it... I never
meant for any of that to happen to you... I wanted you to come back to me...
and I was willing to do just about anything to make it happen... I'll admit
that, but being injured this way... that was the last thing I wanted... I hope
you know that."
She too fell on her knees in prayer,
"Dear God... I know that I have no right to come before you.... but I'm
doing it for John... he needs you... now, more than he ever has. He needs to
feel your love and he needs your strength to get through this... I pray... that
you would place your healing hands upon him and give him what he needs to
recover. And God, please take away his pain and his fear.... If someone has to
suffer... let it be me and Roman. We're the ones who deserve to feel pain.
Please God... put it on us.. I beg of you.... put it on us!"
After seeing Kristen, Marlena was
compelled to go back and be with the man she loved. He needed her so much. The
only time he responded to much of anything at this point was when she was
there. It was wearing on her, but she wanted to do whatever she could to help
him recover, to regain some semblance of his fighting spirit. He was on one of
the newer anti-depressant medications, but it would be at least another couple
of weeks before any results would come from that biochemical change. Until
then, she was his mood elevator and she was glad to be there for him.
A short time later, she was in the room
with him, watching him lie there on his back, so still and silent, his eyes
closed, his mind taking him places where she couldn't go. It was so hard to
find ways to bring him back from there, to get him to interact with his present
reality. Another wave of despair washed
over her, and the seemingly endless supply of tears began to flow. She looked
down at him. He was crying too. Marlena was feeling his pain and he was feeling
hers. 'Oh, Dear God...' she prayed...
'Please... help him... please give him
reason to hope... please bring him back to me... I love him so!’ she cried
out desperately in the privacy of her mind, her spirit willing it to happen.
John looked up at her and felt a sudden change, as if in this moment, God were
telling them he was with them indeed and he felt as if God's love were
surrounding them with its healing warmth and guiding light. Without a word of
warning or much forethought, John instinctively attempted to reach out toward
his wife with his right hand. It was trembling violently, but he managed to
direct it several inches toward her cheek. Crudely, he swiped at her tears as
he said, "Don't cry Doc... God is with us... and somehow.... it's going to
be okay."
Marlena was in shock, utterly speechless
for a long moment, as she placed her own trembling hand over his, gently
holding it in place on her cheek. Neither one of them spoke as their emotions
did an about face, their moist eyes saying all that needed to be said. Finally,
she managed to find her tongue and grasped his hand firmly in both of hers,
holding it steady in front of her mouth, then planted a soft moist kiss on top
of it, as she spoke to him. "Oh... John.... oh, John... you moved...
Honey, you moved your hand again!"
John was just as shocked by the rapid turn
of events as she was, "Oh.. Doc.. I did, I moved my hand! Oh, my
God!" he said excitedly, realizing the enormity of what just happened. He
laid there staring at her in utter amazement. Instantly, John thanked the one
true source of healing. Glancing skyward, he exclaimed joyfully, "Oh, dear
God... Thank you, thank you.. so much!!"
His wife climbed into bed with him and
they spent long minutes, simply relishing in the sense of elation that wrapped
around their hearts. They knew that the way ahead would not be easy, fraught
with many challenges and a long arduous, sometimes extremely frustrating
process of recovery for John to face. But now there was hope, real hope that
came from the heartfelt, spiritually grounded knowledge that God would be with
them on their journey and that he would give them the strength and faith they needed
to survive and one day flourish. Courage and comfort during the raging storm
and a peaceful rest when it was over--there was that assurance and it made all
the difference in the world for John and Marlena Black.
Sandra H. Bondelier
1998