TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART (part two)

It was two days later....

and he hadn't seen her more than in passing at the Pub. She was busy with her patients, one of them a woman he once called sister, and he had found ways to avoid her, hard as that was for him to do. It was late afternoon and the plane was fueled and ready for takeoff. He had said a quick farewell to Shawn and Caroline with whom he decided at their suggestion to leave Brady for a few days, Bo and Carly, and even Abe and Lexie. Then made a quick phone call or two and he was all set. Everyone had accepted his explanation about a sudden business trip to Europe; everyone except Abe, that is. He suspected the reason and because he understood how difficult it must be, he didn't press his friend for more than he wanted to give. The bags were sitting by the door and all that remained was to tell Marlena about what he'd decided. He dreaded talking to her and yet in some ways he couldn't wait to look into those incredible eyes of hers, to hear her voice and give her one last embrace, maybe even sneak in a kiss or two before parting.

And I need you now tonight

And I need you more than ever......

John sat on the couch for the longest time, just staring over at the phone, attempting to muster the ability to cross the short distance to take it in his hands and make the last phone call. "Oh.. Doc... this isn't going to be easy... for either one of us.. but you'll see in time, it was the only choice that would stop us from hurting ourselves and everybody else in our lives. It's the right thing to do." The phrase kept repeating in his mind, over and over until he thought he would collapse from the heavy weight of responsibility for doing what was morally good and proper. A part of him didn't care, a part of him wanted to steal away with her, as he had fantasized about so many times. He turned to God for strength, "Please God.. if this is what's right.. give me the wisdom and strength to do your will. Help me find a way to fly off in that plane today and let her go, once and for all."

And if you'll only hold me tight

We'll be holding on forever......

She had just taken the call from Caroline. How could it be? John was leaving town suddenly, on business, and he hadn't even called her. Marlena was hurt that he hadn't notified her. They were rather close these days, since the warehouse and that night on the pier after the interview with Jennifer. 'Why.. John?' she was asking in her mind, and her own conscience answered it, 'You know why... the business trip is just a cover; it's because of you.. he still.. cares for you.. No.. loves... he still loves you.' She argued the point, "No.. he doesn't.. we're just friends, very good friends...that's all."

Her conscience decided it needed to have another conversation with her, 'Right, Marlena.. that's why it sends shivers up and down your spine when he so much as lays a hand on you... why you can't stop thinking about him all day long, and why your eyes light up like a candle in the dark the second he walks into a room.'

'Oh... allright.. I admit it.. he loves me! And...I love him.. I don't want him to go.. I'm going to stop him.. it just wouldn't be right for him to have to uproot and live in a strange city after suffering so many difficult and painful losses, just because of our feelings for each other. We're adults and we can handle it.'

'But, can't you understand....he's doing it for you... to protect you and save your marriage. That is how much he loves you, Marlena enough to walk away and give you up... what an example of all that true love is meant to be.’

'Yes... he is... he's the most amazing and wonderful man.. Oh..God.. how can I ever really say goodbye?' she asked as the tears welled up again. As her internal conversation continued, it was finally broken up by the sound of the phone ringing. It didn't register right away, not until she heard his voice on the answering machine.

And we'll only be making it right

Cause we'll never be wrong together.......

"Listen... Doc.. it's me.. I have something to tell you and it's probably going to surprise you but... I'm..." he was saying when she leaped off the couch to grab the telephone.

"John... wait.. John?" she inquired. Thankfully he was still there, "Oh... whew.. I'm glad I caught you before you hung up... what's all this about you needing to go out of town on some business trip?"

Glad she started out with his excuse, he simply followed her lead, saying, "It's.. true, Doc.. there are some matters to attend to in.. Italy for the Toscano Foundation and some.. other business in Western Europe. I figured now was as good a time as any."

"Well, how long will you be gone?" she asked, dreading not seeing him for a few days or maybe weeks.

"I.. don't know.. it.. depends," he said cryptically, knowing she would push for more

"On what?" she asked, slightly curious.

"Uh... on how the deals are going, Doc.. what did you think?"

Debating exactly how honest she should be, Marlena was hesitant to answer at first. Finally, she said firmly, "I think... that you're lying through your teeth. Now.. do you want to tell me the real reason you're leaving Salem, John?"

John was awestruck at her insight into his motivations, but denied her assertion, "There's nothing more to it... listen.. I.. uh... gotta get going here.. Take care of yourself...okay?" He almost hung up before she could reply, but he knew he could never treat her so rudely.

"No.. John... you owe me more than this.. I'm coming to see you... where are you right now.. at the loft?"

"No.. Doc.. let's not make this any harder than it already is. Please... don't come to say..." he choked on the words-they just wouldn't come out of his mouth.

"Goodbye... is that what you meant, John... I'm coming and you *better* be there when I get there... you have some explaining to do," Marlena said strongly. She had a guess what was going on it didn't have anything to do with business. This decision was strictly related to personal issues, between the two of them and he was trying to run away. They hadn't really talked about what was happening between them, except for that night on the pier.

Anticipating the pain he would feel to actually see her before leaving, he virtually begged her not to come, "Please... Doc..just let this go...I'll...see you...when I get back."

The sadness in his voice compelled her to do the opposite of what he was requesting...'Oh, John... you are leaving because of me..' She tried to grant his request, saying, "Allright...but, I'll... miss you.." she said tearfully.

Tears began to well up in his mournful eyes, as he said his farewell "And I'll.. miss you.. more than...I can say. I....I...care about you so much... and if you ever..." Realizing he was tipping his hand, he let his voice trail off.

He didn't have to finish; she knew what he was trying to say. John wasn't planning on returning to Salem. He was saying goodbye without using those words. "Oh.. John... don't go..please don't go.."

A strange sad smile came to his face to know how she felt about him, but it was the "right thing to do." He kept telling himself over and over and he almost had himself believing it--almost. "I have to...it's my.. responsibility. Bye...Doc." That was as close to the real thing as he could get.

Before she could say anything else, the line went dead. Had he hung up or was it the storm that was brewing? She didn't know which. "Oh.. John.. I do.. love you.. and I know you think this is what's best.. but it's killing me." She was standing there in her living room, pondering what she should do. Picturing him with tears rolling down his cheeks, and hearing the sound of his soft, tear choked voice.. her decision was made. She *had* to stop him; there was no other choice. Marlena loved him and she couldn't bear to lose him. There was no time to consider what might befall them as a result of her decision.

Turn around bright eyes

Every now and then I fall apart.......

When she arrived, he was sitting there, handsome as ever, in a suit and tie. ‘Oh.. he's so sexy... so..sexy,’ she was thinking and then snapped her attention back to what she might say that would keep him with her. "John... I don't want you to go... please." He jumped at the sound of her voice, so immersed in memories that he didn't hear her enter the cabin of the plane.

The way she was looking at him so forlornly, it nearly killed him, it was as if she would die if he said no. More than anything he wanted to say yes to her. Leaving was the last thing he *wanted* to do, but it was the only thing he *could* do if he were going to save her from suffering, both of them actually. Somehow that didn't do anything for the black hole that was opening inside his soul. But her needs had to be the highest priority. "I..have to go, Doc... it's the only choice I can make right now. I... need to get away.. you know.. try to make sense of out of who I am now.. who I was.. all of it."

"No... honey.. you need to be with people who... care about you.. You've just been through so many losses and being alone with all that pain is the last thing you need. Please John... don't leave me!" she blurted out and was only slightly hesitant to look him in the eye after revealing herself so plainly.

'Leave you... I'm leaving you... how can I be leaving you when we aren't together that way... God knows I wish we were,' he was thinking internally, but what he said was, "Doc... we're friends.. right.. just good friends now. You belong with Roman and we both know that, don't we?" All she could do was nod uncertainly. They both knew that what they felt for each other was way beyond friendship.. and it always had been. Their eyes met and exchanged that truth.

"Marlena... If I stay... you're going to be hurt... and that is the last thing I want. You know how I... feel. You know that I..."

She wanted to melt into the intensity of his passionate gaze, and then she completed his sentence, "Love... you love me... you can say it, John.. it's not a dirty word," she added, reaching out a hand toward his. He flinched and pulled away, as if that simple touch would take away the thin veneer of control he had over his body where she was concerned.

"Isn't it!" he shot off angrily. "Doc.. when I say it.. all I can think of is the way we were! The look in your eyes when I said it to you, the way it used to feel to hold you in my arms, the way your skin felt next to mine.. the way your hair smells when you've just washed it... and I.. can't do that! I'm not allowed.. you belong to Roman now. Those are dirty thoughts because you aren't mine anymore."

We can take it to the end of the line

Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time....

It was all she could do to stop herself from grabbing him. Crying for the aching feeling in her entire body, she said, "Oh.. John.. I.. love you too... I think about you that way too.. the way it feels when you hold me.. it's the safest most wonderful place, John.. and looking at those amazing blue eyes of yours.. John.. I can't bear it if you go. I can't imagine my life without you in it...please!"

"You know what will happen if I stay.. We'll just end up getting hurt and causing all the other people we love to suffer in the process. I don't want that for you or for them. I still love them all as if they were my family."

She felt desperation rising with each exchange. With tears falling and lips quivering she said, "Oh.. I do know that.. but I'm.. hurting now... John... My.. heart is.. breaking to think of going days.. weeks.. months without seeing you."

He nodded and said very softly, "So is mine, Doc... so is mine." His eyes were brimming with tears to match hers.

They stood there awkwardly for a long moment or two, each realizing that the only sane thing to do would be to go their separate ways. Marlena should leave and return to her husband and he should fly off to parts unknown for an indefinite period of time. However, this was not going to be a time of sanity, quite the opposite. It was time to learn about the awesome power of true love when it was unleashed from the taut chains that bound it. As they stood outside the edges of a lover's clinch, it was becoming clearer with each passing moment, the love and passion they were feeling toward each other could no longer be denied. This stormy night was going to end with lovemaking, they both knew it and yet they were frozen in place, as contrasted by the intense fiery stare on both their faces, and the quickening of their breathing. Lightning flashing all around the plane illuminating the darkness, seemed to set the tone.

I don't know what to do

And I'm always in the dark

We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks

I really need you tonight..........

Breaking the spell she had been casting upon him, John grabbed her suddenly, not able to hold back on his desire to have a taste of her for even one more second. Harshly he took off her coat and then the tailored linen jacket of her designer suit, casting both aside with reckless abandon. A smoldering look of pure desire was exchanged and he shed his own outer encumbering clothing instantly. Within seconds they were unfastening shirt buttons and belt buckles, as items of clothing were strewn about the cabin with total disregard.

One moment of reality penetrated her overwhelmed senses, "Oh.. John.. what are we doing?" she asked.

"What we've been wanting to do for weeks..." he said as he lowered her to the seat. That was the last word spoken before he captured her mouth in a fiercely passionate kiss, his anxious needy tongue swirling around hers hungrily, fueling her desire as well. He forced himself to remain in control for just long enough to remove her last vestiges of clothing. She then proceeded to take his off, her hands expertly unfastening his leather belt and then slipping the pants down his legs. He was standing naked before her; she gasped at the sight of his sheer physical presence. Oh..John.." she said a second before he crushed her to him, kissing her feverishly.

Forever's gonna start tonight.........

She was becoming lost in his touch and his kiss, as he was lost in the sensations his body experienced, and in her eyes. that glistened with uncertain tears, in the sweet smell of her, and in the tender softness of her creamy white skin. This was a fantasy becoming real and it was so incredible he could hardly believe it was actually happening. "Oh... Marlena, you feel so good to me..." Marlena couldn't even respond verbally for what he was doing to her, the heated sensations created by his deft touch and his moist kisses, causing every nerve fiber in her body to fire. All she could manage was to moan softly in response. It left her speechless and completely immersed in her bodily sensations, as she surmised he was by the ragged sound of his breathing and the moans of pleasure that escaped his mouth.

Once upon a time I was falling in love

But now I'm only falling apart

There's nothing I can say

A total eclipse of the heart

They made mad passionate love, their hands and mouths, every body part moving in perfect time to create the hottest of internal fires. As hands found pleasure spots never forgotten, and luscious lips met and tenacious tongues collided, John and Marlena found themselves enraptured with the burning sensations they were stimulating in each other. As their breathing became so rapid and their hearts pounded so much that they could hear the sound of it, their eyes met and lingered, drinking in the wondrous sight; the depth and intensity of love expressed therein was literally amazing. No words were necessary, they were saying all there was to say with their hands, their lips, their tongues, and with the natural sounds of lovemaking. It was glorious, love at it's most intimate, bringing intense pleasure such as was only in their imagination for so very long.

Once upon a time there was light in my life

But now there's only love in the dark......

John couldn't ever remember wanting or needing her as much as he did in this moment, his desire made him ache to join with her in ecstasy as only she could make him feel. He stared at her exquisite beauty as she lay beneath him; looking into her glistening hazel eyes, he saw all he ever needed to know and he leaned down to capture her mouth in one last kiss, a kiss to end all kisses, his tongue teasing and delighting her. They felt the flames rise higher and higher as lightning flashed and thunder boomed all around the plane. They hardly noticed what was happening in the world outside because they were making their own awesome display of power, the power of love revealed, the pleasure of a bond forever sealed.

When it was over, when they lay in the glorious afterglow; that was when the reality hit. They had forsaken their own values, betraying an innocent, unsuspecting man who didn't deserve to be hurt. John couldn't allow those thoughts to penetrate yet. He had to tell her what he felt in his heart. "I love you... I..."

"No.. don't.. say that to me...you can't love me."

His voice fearful and shaky with a myriad of emotions, he said "But I do... I love you.. and you love me too. We just proved that.." She was conspicuously avoiding his gaze, "Look at me, Doc...look at me."

Shaking her head she said, "I can't.. because if I do.. I'll see the love.. and the passion in your eyes.. and then I'll be lost... I'll give you my heart and I can't do that... it isn't mine to give you, it's.. Roman's now.

"It was mine once..." he lamented pleadingly with hands touching the delicate features of her face, wishing with all his might to keep her with him forever, to win her heart back with his love, all the while fearing it would never happen, fearing that the guilt he could feel radiating from her now very tense body would drive her back into the other man's arms.

John was right, she was extremely guilt-ridden and tears born of that emotion were beginning to form as she began to dress herself, suddenly ashamed of being naked on a plane, "Oh.. John... how could we do it... we.. betrayed him... we were supposed to talk about our feelings.. not act on them.. Oh, it's all my fault.. I shouldn't have come here.. in the back of my mind... I knew... what would happen."

Zipping up his pants, for her benefit, he implored her not to be so hard on herself about what had happened, "Don't do this to yourself, Marlena.. don't blame yourself.. I kissed you.. if you have to blame somebody.. blame me. I should have been able to control myself." Somehow he knew that nothing he could say was going to help her at the moment.

Nothing I can say

A total eclipse of the heart.........

Abruptly she ran her hands through her tousled hair, put on her shoes and pulled her coat over her clothes and moved toward the cabin door, preparing to exit. He was flabbergasted that she was planning to leave him alone to draw his own conclusions about what they shared and what the future held in store. It was too much for her to handle; he could see that, but he was in shock too. After the most incredible spine shattering lovemaking he had ever experienced, she was just going to run off and go back to Roman, no more discussion, nothing. John couldn't believe it was really happening.

Finally, realizing that if he didn't do something, she'd be gone in a second, he reached out a restraining hand to stop her, saying, "Marlena... don't go.. don't walk away from me.. Don't try to run away from this... from what it means. You know in your heart that it's me you really love. You wouldn't have shared that with me.. you would never have done that if what I'm saying isn't true. Please... stay and talk with me about this!"

Turn around bright eyes.....

Every now and then I fall apart

Marlena sensed that she had to do as her heart and her lover implored her to do, or she would lose him forever; he would leave the city never to return. It was now or never, the quintessential moment of truth in her life. What a place for a woman to be, torn between the past and the present, between two men to whom she had given her heart completely, two men who once shared a name. How much more confusing could love get than that? Marlena acknowledged what her heart was saying and the words John used to describe the situation. He was right, and she knew that she simply had to turn around to face him, to embrace him and his love for her. He was the one she loved, not the other to whom she planned a hasty return. This man, with whom she had just shared all of herself, heart, mind, body, and soul was the one she truly loved and she could no longer deny it, not to him, not to the other man, and most importantly, not to herself. And yet, the guilt was a strong force, difficult to overcome.

His heart was pounding in his chest, so hard he could hardly concentrate to talk to her. Through trembling lips, with a quavering fearful voice he laid it all on the line for her, "Marlena... if you walk away now... it's over. I'm leaving town because I can't bear to live here knowing you still love me like you just showed me you do, but chose to stay with him out of loyalty.. or guilt... I don't know why, but I can't stand back and watch you throw away our love and give up on our dreams. I can't do that, so if you leave me now and run back to him, this is our last goodbye."

Marlena nodded, as tears of mixed emotions began to flow. Slowly and very deliberately, she turned herself toward him, his chisled chest looking as sexy as ever in the dim lighting of the plane, his eyes glistening with uncertain tears, some born of rejection and some born of a slender strand of hope that was formed when she didn't keep running from what they had shared, from her feelings.

"Doc?" he questioned, afraid to say more.

There was no reason to pretend any longer, he had called her bluff. With the tears of freedom filling her eyes, she said through slightly trembling lips, "John... you're absolutely right.. it *is* you that I love... it's you that I dream about late at night when the house is quiet, you that I think of every morning when I wake up... I want to run to you with good news and I want you to hold me when I get bad news... It's you, John... always you."

His eyes went wide with indescribable delight, and tears of joy began to spill out as he simply stared at her admiringly, and very gratefully. She was being totally honest with him, taking him by surprise. "Oh... Marlena... I love you.. with all that I am, all that I have, and all that I ever hope to be. I want us to live out the rest of our lives together... do you have the strength to do this, to stand up for our love?"

"Yes... my love.. you give me all the strength that I will ever need, just by being by my side. We can do this... together." John didn't speak again; he just held her close to his body for another minute, relishing her answer and the sensation of holding her with the knowledge that he never had to let her go again. Following that, he proceeded to finish dressing while she watched with an admiring smile. They were both beaming now because they would be leaving together with their heads held high. They were forever in love and they weren't going to deny it or hide it any longer. It was a true love that was simply meant to be and it was high time everyone else knew it, including Roman. They didn't want to hurt him, but this was the best way. No secrecy and no illicit affair.

And if you'll hold me tight

We'll be holding on forever

Cause we'll only be making it right

We could never be wrong together....

Forever's gonna start tonight.........

The End.........